Sometimes, about ten minutes into a tech support call overseas, you just realize there's no hope, and you just gotta roll with it. Today was one of those days...
I have two XM radios. I just noticed that the monthly online invoices (the paperless version of the paper bills) are no longer available; also, as I'm having trouble with the GPS that is actually one of the XM units, I wanted to make sure my account didn't auto-renew and bill my credit card when the two year contract is up.
After spending five minutes providing her the same customer information as I had entered into the automatic phone system -- eight digit radio IDs in ICAO alphanumerics ("Mike Delta Zero Lima" etc.) can be a challenge -- "Melissa" spent twenty stuttering minutes before finally agreeing that the invoices were not appearing (uh, that's what I already told her).
I moved on and asked about canceling auto-renewal. She couldn't answer that either; in fact, it took about fifteen minutes to consistently NOT answer the question.
I gave up and asked for a supervisor. She told me one was not available. We went back to step one, repeated the questions, and I again got no answers, or answers that had nothing to do with the question.
She set the phone down for about ten minutes (hold music would have been a positive step at this point), came back and told me she would try to get a supervisor, set the phone down for another ten minutes, and came back online again. Sometimes, when she returned, she would put the mic by her mouth; most of the time, she wouldn't, so it was a battle just communicating to her that I couldn't hear what she was saying.
I had heard her talking to an Indian supervisor in the background, so I tried to find out if he was on the line.
I asked five times: "Are you the person I've been speaking to for the last thirty minutes?"
Her answer: "I shall try to assist you with that question."
"No. This is simple. Yes or no. Are you the same person I've been speaking to for the last thirty minutes? Do you know your own name?"
Her: "I'm sorry."
To be clear, I asked this five times and never got a correct answer.
Wow.
My mom was overhearing all of this, over an hour into the call now, and was howling with laughter in the background.
Finally, hold music. At least she found a button.
I put on the speakerphone and went about my business. Thirty minutes later, "Melissa" returned again.
"I have tried to get a supervisor or someone who can answer your question, but I can't."
I'd sorted out that fact about an hour and fifteen minutes earlier, so I replied:
"Well, thank you for sharing the last hour and a half of your life with me. It's been interesting. I wish you the best for the future and hope you have a nice day."
Boy, you thought she was confused before? This seemed to put her right off the map. So, in the interest of international relations, I repeated the same basic message of peace and love.
Now, keep in mind it's November 30.
Her:
"Thank you for calling XM Radio, and have a HAPPY EASTER." (Emphasis mine.)
Click.
IMDB shows the runtime of "Outsourced" is 103 minutes. Now I wished I had started the movie before dialing, as I would have been up to the ending credits by the end of the call.